Tuesday, November 16, 2010

What You Love About Yourself/Your First Kiss

The posts are doubling up more often. I'm shocked I'm still doing this. You won't beat me, November!

What You Love About Yourself: I don't consider myself an insecure person, but it's still hard to think of something. Maybe I'll just go with that...I'm not an insecure person. I'm aware that I'm pretty damn cute, and I enjoy it. I know how to take a compliment. I've known lots of girls who are so insecure that all they do is protest when their boyfriends say that they're pretty. I think that's terribly sad. It's strange that I'm not like that, because I was picked on a lot when I was a kid and thought I was the most worthless thing to ever walk on the earth. When I got older I was able to shrug a lot of that off, thank god. I also learned from my friends' insecurities (my friends from when I was young that is...the friends I have now are aware of how spectacular they are) and knew I didn't want to act that way. If my boyfriend told me that I was pretty, I was going to say "thank you", not start running off a list of all the things that were ugly about me. I wasn't going to constantly harp on stuff I didn't like about myself in order to fish for a compliment that I was just going to brush off. I wasn't going to play the "I'm so fat!" game with my friends (you know the game...where one girl laments how fat she is and everyone else says, "No you're not! I'm the fat one!" and so on). I also wasn't going to run in the other direction and fret constantly about my looks, contemplate Botox at 24, and get into bad relationships just to validate myself. I like dressing up and wearing makeup and looking pretty...but I know that under it all I'm still a geek girl who is likely to trip over her cute shoes multiple times and would sometimes rather stay in watching Firefly dvds. Honestly, I think that everyone is beautiful, and that if you are a beautiful person then you will stay beautiful as you age. Enjoy it in whatever way you want to.

My First Kiss: I tried to do the date-any-loser-just-because-he-asks thing, and it didn't work out. I was an insecure wreck in high school because I was the strange girl who liked to read. Unfortunately, I preferred reading whatever I wanted rather than doing my homework, so instead of being in honors classes with my friends, I was with the "normal" kids who thought I was weird and commented on my weirdness daily. (Um...I'm still the weird girl sometimes, in certain company. At least now I can deal with it better.) I met my first kiss in summer school. He asked me on a date, we went out and talked on the phone a lot. I wanted to like him, because he liked me and no one had ever liked me before, but I just couldn't do it. I remember what I didn't like about him was that he was so serious all the time. I think he was probably trying to show off how "deep" he was, but he didn't make me laugh, and that's the main thing I look for in a guy. Luckily he was in military school so he went away soon. He sent me a sappy letter about how he was in love with me. Remember a few posts ago when I said I don't believe people can be in love after knowing each other a few weeks, that love is something that takes time to build? I felt that way back then, even if I didn't realize it. I sent him a letter "breaking up" with him, although according to me we were never really together. I considered the few kisses we had to be "practice" for when the real thing happened. Poor guy.

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