Friday, November 5, 2010

Your Definition of Love

This is a hard one! This requires deep thinking and pontificating! Hold on, let me have some beer.


Okay, that's better.

Trench and I have been married three years, but have been together for ten total. We met when we were 23. A mutual friend introduced us, not thinking that we'd get together, she just had a party and we both happened to be there. The minute he walked in the door I wanted to know him. He was wearing a beret and a kimono and used big words (what can I say? I've always been a sucker for a large vocabulary). He made a Gamera reference (cuz he's a geek) and I started talking to him about Mystery Science Theater 3000 (cuz I'm a geek too). He fell for me, but I just wanted to be friends because I was too busy chasing after boys who looked like rock stars. But I was never going to be happy with a rock star. I could give a fuck how big someone's record collection is, but a bookshelf filled to bursting makes my heart go pitter pat.

What's love like after ten years? No one cares about long term love. All the love stories are about falling in love. All the love songs are about falling in love. When a TV show finally gets their star-crossed lovers together, the only interesting thing they can think to do with them is break them up so that they can get back together eventually. Being in love is boring. A couple who has been together for years obviously never has sex and bickers all the time and longs for an affair with some hot young thing. How can you not be bored out of your skull after ten years?

The simple answer is by falling in love with your best friend. One of the reasons why I decided to try dating Trench was that it occurred to me that dating him might actually be fun. How many times do people think that? And it has been. We make each other laugh on a daily basis. We like doing things together. We get cranky if we go too long without a day off together. We get happy when the other one comes home. We fall asleep holding hands. It's been commented on that for a couple that's been together a long time, we're still as affectionate with each other as if it was year one.

It's not like problems don't happen. They do for every couple. But although it's common to hear that "relationships are work", I don't buy it. It isn't work to be with Trench. If your relationship feels more like work than play, you might want to re-evaluate.

Because of the longevity thing, I can't help feeling like an old crone, shaking my head at the young whippersnappers in love. One thing that drives me a little crazy is when people decide that they're in love in a week. To me, love is a trust that is built up over a long period of time. Anything before that is infatuation. So it isn't uncommon for me to give a derisive, "No you don't!" when friends attempt to cry on my shoulder because the guy they were dating for a month just dumped them and "I loved him!" No, seriously, you didn't, you'll be fine in a week. And get off my lawn!

That isn't fair of me, though. Because I knew right away that Trench was the guy. And now he's home so I'm signing off so I can hang out with him.

1 comment:

  1. I am a sucker for guys who don't have large book collections because they get them all from the library. :P This is a nice post. Your relationship sounds lovely.