Monday, February 13, 2012

Valentines Day: What I've Learned From Seven Years In the Beauty Industry

  • Everyone knows that February 14th is Valentine's Day...but February 13th is V-Day for the mistress. Good to know that as the wife, you retain all rights to the 14th, but if you're ever feeling suspicious, find out what your husband is doing February 13th.
  • A popular service at the spa on V-Day is a Couples Massage, where you and your partner get massages in the same room together. Massage therapists hate the couples massage because rather than being romantic, it's just a way for control freak couples to make sure their partner isn't getting a happy ending. One partner will keep craning his/her neck to make sure his/her significant other isn't enjoying the massage too much. Also, massage therapists will usually spend the whole time making goofy faces at each other and trying not to crack up. 
  • Also, if the couples massage you are booked cancels at the last minute or doesn't show at all, it's safe to assume that they broke up.
  • As an esthetician, you are almost more likely to work on ladies who are single and decide to treat themselves to a facial or a waxing.
  • (Please, I beg of you, don't snicker at the word "facial". The joke is less funny when it's your profession. How would you like it if I snickered every time you mentioned that you had a "conference call" or "power point"?)
  • V-Day only registers for the newly in love. Those who are married or have been in a relationship for a really long time are all, "Huh? It's Valentines Day? Whatever. I guess we'll order in sushi or something."
  • If you are a gentleman booking a day of spa services for your girlfriend, please spare the staff the embarrassment of booking her name as "Dreamgirl." And then forcing everyone to call her "Dreamgirl" the entire day. Yes, that happened.
  • Tip generously. Your esthetician has had to look at a lot of vagina all day, and your massage therapist's hands are going numb.


  1. I never understood couples massages. When J & I both got massages, I went first, then went back to the hotel room and took a bubble bath (AHHH) while he got his massage.

    Also, heh heh, you said "power point"!

  2. I'll conference your call, baby, if you know what I mean! *eyebrow waggle*

  3. I am kind of cranky that V-day falls on our regularly scheduled respite night as that means that we are going to have to fight the romantic hoards no matter where we go. Tuesday night is usually a great night for us to go out as places are rarely crowded. Not tomorrow night.

    Curse you, Capitalist Machine!!!

  4. February 13th, huh. Never having been a mistress, I had no idea.

    Also, really? People laugh when you say facial? What's so funny about that?

    1. For that explanation, I'll have to direct you to the urban dictionary. Apologies for what you are about to read.